Archive for January, 2010

The Pringle

January 9, 2010

Behold, for your consideration, proof god loves us… The Pringle. Once you pop, you can’t stop, is the truest statement in the history of advertising. The cylindricity of the tube, the perfect shade of slightly dark red, the Pringle is a testament to man’s ability to manipulate his environment for good. One side of the chip is salty, the other mild. Feeling spicy? Then flip the chip. Flip the chip! Try it. And the taste- the crisp- the deliciousness settling into the pores of your tongue with every bite… And the kicker?…. Those crumbs that settle on the bottom. Tilt the tube, and crunchy perfection slowly slides into your mouth- a bitter sweet feeling since, alas, that deliciousness singles the end of your culinary journey. The pringle is a perfect food. Further, incontrovertble proof that god loves us.


British Accents

January 9, 2010

Behold, for your consideration, proof god loves us… British accents. Now I am a relatively straight dude, ┬ábut I gotta tell you, a bloke with a smile and a British accent just might have an outside chance at my affections. And a woman with such an accent, I mean come on, there should be clauses in marriage vows that say “I promise to be faithful (unless of course, she has a British accent- then, well, maybe)” A British accent is like ketchup- it makes everything tastier. When I first heard Catherine Zeta jones speak I almost coughed an organ. If some cat in a tuxedo stopped you and said “my name is Bond, James Bond” with a Mexican accent, you would laugh in his face. Thank you lord for the British accent, you really do love us.

The Other Side of the Pillow

January 9, 2010
Behold, for your consideration, proof god loves us, the other side of the pillow. 4 am- you dream you are being attacked by rabid beavers- and the world feels scary, dark and exhausting. But then you remember that god in his love for us hooked us up with two sided pillows. You flip, straighten, and slowly lower your cheek upon that sublime coolness. No drool smell, no remnants of your nightmare- just hope , peace and possibility. How the hell did it get cool? Why does it feel so damn good? Don’t ask those silly questions of what you can’t understand. Just accept god’s love, and give the rejected side of the pillow a chance for redemption. Thank you lord, you really do love us!