Archive for July, 2008

Sea Lions

July 29, 2008

Behold, for your consideration, proof that gold loves us…. the Sea Lion. Who the hell does not like Sea Lions? Okay, some bite size fish might not, but they were probably already dead by the time they met the wondrous waddlers. Whether in San Francisco, the New York Aquarium, Chile or South Africa, Sea Lions bring international delight. I have never watched Sea Lions with other people, and had folks say “…you know, they alright, but I would prefer to be watching reruns of Saved by the Bell” No!… when sea lions show up, we clap, and listen to them bark, and applaud their waddle, and watch in awe. They dont do much, they can only move underwater, but damn it, they are a beloved mammal. Thank you lord, for creating the sea lion. You really do love us.

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The Coke Slurpee

July 27, 2008

Behold, for your consideration, the Coke Slurpee, proof god loves us. If you do not like the Coke slurpee you are either crazy or a communist. If I pass a 7-Eleven, and can’t get a slurpee, something is very very wrong. I am either going to the hospital with a woman in labor in the car, or I already have a Coke Slurpee in my hands. Actually, with my experience pouring Slurpees, my pregnant friend can wait. If someone said to me, El Big Jo, you can drink Coke Slurpees for the rest of your life, however, you will lose 5 years of your life due to the corrosive nature of the syrup, well, Pour some slurpee for the brother that ain’t there. Beware! Not all Slurpees are born the same. But when you get a great pour, hold on to your sombreros, cause here comes pleasure. For those of you unfamiliar, a tip before you indulge…give the drink a minute, let the bottom start to melt a little, put the straw all the way down, sample, gently, taste, detect the slight fragrance of strawberries, and then you can drink. God Loves us, this I know, because the Coke Slurpee tells me so.

Matt Damon

July 5, 2008

Behold, for your consideration… Matt Damon- proof god does love us. Name the last crappy movie this cat was in…. I am waiting…okay, that siamese twin movie he made with Talk Soup was ass, but you gotta search long and hard to find a turkey with this Bostonian. Need an action star…..check….Jason bloody Bourne…nuff said. Need a leading man to carry a boring ass movie…check… see The Good Shepherd . Need a villain…. ask Marty about The Departed. There is nothing he cant do on screen. This is the man who delivered “How About Them Apples line” like if he wrote it….wait…..he DID write it. In a world filled with uncertainty, the good lord gave us Matt Damon. His movies rock. Act like you know.